Tip # 1

Think about your message

and connect with your audience

Even before we start to speak, a lot happens in our mind and body.

There are many things we can concentrate our focus on, and our mind tends to emphasize things it perceives as "danger." Thoughts like, "I will stutter. I will look stupid. I will feel horrible. Everyone will laugh at me. I will be taunted. I will be mocked." All sorts of negative outcomes. The problem is we cannot turn it off. We cannot force our mind not to think about it.

What we can do is try to focus on something else because our mind cannot focus on several things at once. So, we try to outplay it. At this point, I can tell you that you are wonderful, you are brilliant. And yes, you are, but it's not quite helping at that point.

First off, it's not about you. It's about them. Why are you speaking? Probably, you have something to say, something to share. Maybe you want to persuade that person to do something. Maybe you want to share a feeling or make them feel a certain way. Or you want to give some information.

So, what is it you want? What is your message?

Maybe you struggle with this, maybe you say, "Andrey, I really don't know" or "this is just the first time I see this person." In this case, what you probably want to do is at least build an emotional connection with that person.

I always say that maybe this is the real, true reason why we're speaking - because we want to connect to other people on a deep, emotional level.

That shifts your focus from your ego to truly serving and helping people, to building that connection with others. This reduces anxiety. And afterwards, after you've spoken with the person, it leaves you with a positive feeling even if you didn't do so well with your speaking.

Tip # 2

You choose it

Now, we can feel very differently about the same thing depending on how we treat it. When you choose something, when you really want something, and you do it, usually it doesn't matter that much how well you did it. You still have a sense of accomplishment.

It's not only about them; it's also about you getting better.

When I say "getting better," I don't mean the number of impediments you're experiencing or how severe they are. That can be a criterion if you're working on improving your speech, but the main criterion is your message. How did you deliver your message? Did you have a message at all? Were you open and transparent with that person? Did you manage to build an emotional connection?

When you start looking at it this way, you see that it's a valuable experience. You are learning from it. It's a challenge that can make you better.

So, when you add this new criterion to your speaking, it becomes something you can choose, want, and anticipate.

This, in turn, reduces anxiety, and once you've done that speaking, it leaves you with a feeling of accomplishment, no matter how you did technically.

On the contrary, when you don't choose it, if you don't want it, and you only have fear and negative emotions, it adds a lot of anxiety. In this case, it doesn't matter how well you actually did. You'll find something that spoils the whole picture, and you'll feel like a total disaster each time.

Tip # 3

Breathing and relaxation

So, before we start to speak, we've done some mental preparation. Now, how can we help our body reduce anxiety?

While we can't control our heart, which starts beating fast, we can control our breathing. Take deep, long breaths and breathe slowly. This sets a pattern for our heart to follow, helping it to slow down and reducing anxiety.

Another thing we can do is try to relax. Our body gathers a lot of tension. If you have a moment—in the corridor, in the elevator, behind the scenes, or somewhere before you enter the room—gather all your tension, become very tense, and then let it all out in one exhale. Let yourself be loose, and then go speak.

Tip # 4

Pauses and eye contact

I was absolutely amazed one day by a speaker. She came to the room, stepped onto the stage, and took a long pause. She just looked at people, at the audience, smiling and saying "hello" with her eyes, establishing eye contact.

Why do we need eye contact? Everyone talks about the importance of eye contact, but only then, at that moment, did I truly understand its significance. It's not about staring at each other or keeping your eyes open for as long as possible. It's about establishing that connection we discussed in the previous tips.

That woman made everyone fall silent. She had everyone's full attention. She created a complete emotional connection with her audience, and only after that did she start to speak.

This reduces anxiety because we hit our main goal: to connect with the person in front of us. Once we reach that goal, we feel much better and more accomplished. It's much easier to continue this way. We can also use this technique during our speech, making pauses to reconnect with the audience.

Tip # 5

Letting others know that you stutter

When I made a poll among people who stutter, 80% of them said that the best way to reduce stuttering anxiety is to simply let others know that you stutter.

And that makes sense. Because people expect us to be fluent. Or we think they expect us to be fluent. So we try hard to be fluent. "I'll do my best, but I know I won't do it." People often times don't know how to react, they feel pretty awkward about it. So I kind of fail, they kind of fail, and it creates even more awkwardness and adds up to our shame and desire to stop it and avoid speaking the next time.

So by simply letting other people know we eliminate all this stuff and put the stage for more confidence and self-esteem because other people see that we take responsibility for ourselves including our speaking. We have the courage to own all of us, including our stuttering.

Tip # 6

Eliminating speech impediments

Once I saw in a book: "The best way to reduce stuttering anxiety is to eliminate speech impediments."

And I really like that. It's self-explanatory. If I know that I won't have speech impediments, I won't stutter, actually, then I don't have stuttering anxiety, right?

Well, the idea is very simple. Yet, it's not that simple, not that easy to actually do it. Typically, that's the purpose of stuttering techniques, and I have a separate blog post and a separate video on this topic.

Tip # 7

Flood yourself with speaking

The flooding principle was originally used to overcome phobias. A phobia is an irrational fear, such as a fear of heights, water, darkness, or stage fright. For example, if I have stage fright, they might tell me, "Come on, Andrey, go and make speeches every day." By flooding yourself with the thing you fear, the fear and anxiety are supposed to diminish over time.

With stuttering, it's not that simple. It's tricky because I do experience speech impediments, blocks, prolongations, and repetitions. These cause real tension, fatigue, and internal pain. It's not just a phobia; it's something tangible and unpleasant that I feel.

Some people say that the "flooding" method is great anyway. They say it reduced their anxiety and improved their fluency. Some experts say that you shouldn't use this flooding thing because the more you stutter, the more stuttering experiences you collect into your muscle memory, so the stronger your stuttering gets.

But let's leave this argument aside. It's clear that if you use some technique to eliminate speech impediments, then this flooding principle is something that you have to use, you need to use because the more you use your new speaking technique, your new speaking skill, the better. And if you don't use it most of the time, there is just a big chance that it won't work for you.

I am a big fan of simplicity. So if you want to make it simple, and seven tips are too many, just remember the last two: eliminate speech impediments and flood yourself with speaking using your new skill. This is the way to build a new, automated speaking pattern.