Stuttering treatment mindset - red flag

I sometimes see comments in Facebook groups and forums from people who bought a very expensive stuttering treatment that promised a total cure in just a few days. Things like: 'We’ll teach you how to pronounce and say it right,' or 'We just need to remove something in your mind—your obsession,' or 'We’ll boost your confidence. We know how to do it.

And people say, 'At first, it helped, but then all my stuttering came back.'

We always wonder why people buy these treatments. The answer is simple—we're looking for stuttering treatment. And it's completely natural to do so.

We tend to see stuttering as a medical issue—'speech therapy,' 'speech-language pathologist,' and so on. So, just like we go to the dentist to fix a toothache, we expect to go to someone to 'fix' our speech impediments. Makes sense, right?

But stuttering is so much more than just speech impediments. It’s an automated speaking pattern—one made up of different layers, from the physical to the psychological, mental, and emotional. And it’s even bigger than that. Stuttering is a state holding tons of our muscle and emotional memory. It’s not something left in the past—it’s all here, built up over time, and we feel it all in the present.

So, can we really change our automated speaking pattern in just a few days? I don’t think so. We can shake it up, but stuttering is like a tree with deep roots—you can shake it, but it still stands firm. Oftentimes, we find ourselves right back where we started.

There is one critical thing that is missing and that we want to add to our speaking exercises.

The one thing we want to add

Let's take a look at these people: Ed Sheeran, Emily Blunt, James Earl Jones, Bruce Willis, Samuel Jackson, Nicole Kidman, and we can continue this list on and on. Please guess what is the common thing for all these people?

They all stuttered but they found a way to get free from stuttering. They regularly present themselves to the world, they regularly get to that feeling of interacting with the world. This is the one thing that is outside the conventional speech therapy and that is overlooked mostly by the "gurus and experts" who promise those cures in a matter of days.

I call this missing piece 'performance.'

Whether it's a presentation at work or an oral answer at school or just meeting friends to socialize, each time we perform, we present ourselves, we interact with the speaking environment. Our speaking more than anything else is that interaction with the speaking environment.

That's a big problem because we're scared to speak, we're scared to present ourself, we're scared to perform. And you might ask me, "How do I go performing if I stutter?"

I have one practical suggestion for you.

Start performing

With this performance thing, we want to move step by step, building our confidence.

Before going to speak, like in our Speaking Club, I would suggest just recording yourself—just say something while looking at the camera. Then, find a place to upload it so it becomes a form of interaction with someone who might watch your video. You can post it in the Free From Stutter Facebook group.

For that, you don’t need a fancy camera, you don’t need to look perfect, and you don’t need to say much. You can just say, 'Hello everyone!' or 'Hey there, have a good one!' It can be just a couple of phrases—or even just one.

But this is a real performance. It's not quite real life. You don't feel the pressure of real life because if you don't like the video, you can shoot it again. But when you think about uploading it, and you realize you're speaking to someone, you start to interact, present yourself, and perform.

Active approach

The cool thing about shooting a video is that once you start doing it you start thinking about all the layers of the speaking pattern: how you need to relax, how you need to put power to your speaking, how you want to be more expressive, more engaging with your speaking, what kind of message you want to pass there, what kind of emotions, what kind of positive emotions you want to share. And where do I get those positive emotions?

You come to speaking exercises with a different approach, it's not a stuttering treatment approach, not like, "Please remove my pain!" It's an approach where you take full responsibility for your speaking.

In Free From Start Program, for example, we first learn the hand stuttering technique where we learn to make our speaking more powerful, more expressive and get a very physical support to say it without speech impediments. But this is just the beginning of your journey to freedom from stuttering. Then you want to show up for a constant regular performance. And it becomes something that you really want to do, that you enjoy rather than something that you "have to do."

Practical steps

These are the types of speaking 'performances' we do in the Free From Stutter Program:

• Going live in our small private Facebook group doing routines and assignments, learning the training speech.
• Video calls, speaking with other participants while still learning the hand stuttering technique. It's a comfortable learning environment, but here, you're already speaking to someone else.
• Emulating public speaking by going live in the Free From Stutter Facebook group with short speeches and discussions. The anxiety really ramps up here.
• Recording real-life phone calls, such as asking for a book, inquiring about prices, or asking when a store closes. These are great ways to practice speaking in real-life situations.
• Recording short real-life interactions, like asking strangers for directions or inquiring about an item at the supermarket. It can be just one phrase, but the essence of the interaction is important—it's about starting the conversation, attracting attention, and engaging with others.

So, these are the types of performances, of speaking settings, speaking interactions that we want to create. And this is a step by step sequence, you want to start with the first one gradually building your confidence. And we want to go in parallel with improving our speaking skill, doing speaking exercises, restoring the inner structure of our speaking. Just "going for it" is not as bad as skydiving without a parachute, but again, we want to "skydive" with a parachute feeling the foundation, the support for our speaking.

Journey

There is a huge separate topic about our self-esteem, how do we get to the point where we actually present ourselves even though we're not perfect. There's a huge topic about how we deal with failure because we'll never get from the first go to the point where we satisfied with our speaking. If you stutter, that's okay. If you don't stutter, awesome. The most important thing - you begin to dismantle the core of the stuttering iceberg this way.

So that's the one thing which gurus and experts overlook and that's the one thing that is usually outside of the scope of the conventional therapy. And that's the thing you need to do. So when you feel that you are getting into this trap of stuttering treatment mindset, when you feel like you expect someone to come and take away your pain, get off that road.

Again, speaking exercises are awesome but you need to understand that most of that journey, most of that journey to freedom from stuttering are your steps of showing up and performing, presenting yourself.

What’s your current relationship with performing? Do you feel it’s something you need? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!